
Have you ever had a conversation, disagreement or conflict escalate over email? Do you sometimes find yourself engaging in difficult or emotional conversations electronically because it seems “easier,” only to regret it later on? If you’re anything like me and most of the people I know and work with, you can probably answer “yes” to both of these questions.
In the past few months I’ve had a couple of conflicts with important people in my life get blown way out of proportion, mainly because I engaged in them via email instead of talking live to those involved. As I look back on these and other similar situations I’ve experienced in the past, I can see that it was my fear to connect live and my poor judgment in using written communication that contributed to the increased conflict and lack of resolution.
Why do we do this (even though most of us, myself included, know better)? First of all, email (and other forms of electronic communication, including texting, Facebook, Twitter, etc.) tends to be the primary mode of communication these days for many of us — both personally and professionally.
Second of all, it can sometimes seem easier for us to be honest and direct in writing because we can say what is true for us without having to worry about the in-the-moment reaction of the other person.
And third, electronic communication (or even one-way verbal communication, i.e., voice mail) takes way less courage than having a live, real conversation with another human being (on the phone or in person). When we talk to people live, we have to deal with our fear of rejection, our fear of being hurt and our tendency to “sell out” on ourselves and not speak our full truth. Avoiding the live conversation and choosing to do it in writing sometimes feels “safer” and can allow us to say things we might otherwise withhold.
Regardless of why we choose to engage in important conversations via these one-way forms of communication (email, text, voice mail, etc.), it is much less likely for us to work through conflicts, align with one another and build trust and connection when we avoid talking to each other live about important stuff.
Anything we’re willing to engage in electronically can usually be resolved much more quickly, effectively and lovingly by having a live conversation, even if we’re scared to do