It’s the last installment of the battle rounds on “The Voice” (finally!) and you know what that means … You never have to look at the bedazzled discus Christina calls a hat ever again.
And in honor of the special occasion, our mom has joined us to mock Cee Lo’s silk pajamas, Carson’s struggle for relevancy and everything in between this week.
So without further ado, find out the final six contestants who will be making to the live shows below!
BATTLE: James Massone vs. Wade
Team: Cee Lo
Song: “True Colors” by Cyndi Lauper
Coadge Cee Lo paired these two baby faces (not a reference to mentor Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds, but rather to the fact that they both have prepubescent faces) together for “True Colors,” because he’s Cee Lo and he’ll do whatever it takes to ensure that his battles are weird. This duo seems like a great match-up for an R&B duet, so let’s have them sing Cyndi Lauper instead. Why not?
Wade seems somewhat confident with the song choice, where as James, who is keeping his luscious locks out of his face with a headband now to ensure that his hair does not incite a grease fire, states that he has “never sang this song before.” Shocker. When James meets with his mentor, Ne-Yo, he, like so many contestants before him, seems to be letting his nerves get the best of him.
Chelsey: “It seems as though everything makes young James nervous.”
Jaimie: “His turtleneck makes me nervous.”
Mom: “He’s just frightened because he saw Cee Lo without shades for the first time. And Cee Lo’s PJs. He’s getting fatter.”
Wade meets with his mentor, Babyface, who says that he looks like a 12-year-old but reminds him of Al Green. We agree with half of that statement. Then, the two have their final rehearsal with Cee Lo, and Cee Lo is moved to tears.
Jaimie: “Cee Lo thinks if he says ‘man’ and ‘dude’ enough, it’s okay that he’s crying.”
Chelsey: “Why is he crying? What is going on?”
Jaimie: “Because he really wants James to remove his headband.”
Mom: “Psh. Crying is not one tear drop on a cheek.”
Battle time! As the baby faces start to sing, it feels like the song has been slowed down a bit too much, and the tempo feels off. James, who continues to remind us that he wants to get out of the “shawp” has a very unique voice, but this performance isn’t showcasing it very well. Wade, who normally has a very smooth voice, doesn’t seem to be giving us his best either. The last note of the song definitely leaves something to be desired. Jaimie does a pretty accurate phonetic impression: “raiiiin boooowwww ohhhh oowwww ohhh owww.”
Chelsey: “Oof. That was brutal.”
Jaimie: “The sheen on James’ lubed up hair is out of control.”
Chelsey: “Maybe if James stopped spending money on personalized letterman jackets he could get out of the shawp.”
The coadges unanimously lean towards James and his hair, and Cee Lo says that he had plans to take Wade to the end but was blown away by James’ performance so he has to go with him.
Jaimie: “I feel sad for Wade. And his smile.”
Chelsey: “At least he made his idol cry. He’s not going home empty handed.”
Mom: “I feel bad for him too but he’s gonna be a lawyer!”
BATTLE: Mathai vs. Nicolle Galyon
Song: “Love Song” by Sara Barellis
Since Nicolle is a pianist, Adam chooses a song from a similar artist, allowing her to showcase her mad ivory-tickling skills. Also, we imagine, this is an homage to “The Sing-Off’s” latest judge. And this will indeed be someone’s swan song. Nicolle is nervous because of Mathai’s personality, but she’s excited to “rock out” on the piano because, she says, “It makes me me.” But Adam also thinks it has a fun “swagger” that will fit Mathai’s stage personality. Still, the teen says she is a little scared. Perhaps it’s a stature issue?
Jaimie: “Nicolle TOWERS”
Chelsey: “I was just typing that”
Mom: “She’s a giant”
Nicolle didn’t sing in front of anyone until she was 20 years old is still not comfortable on stage the way nursing student and singing hopeful Mathai is. When she practicing with Robin Thicke, he has the oddest compliments and the creepiest facial expression on of all the odd things he’s done in the battle rounds: “I wanna take you to prom,” he says mid-verse, before adding, “Your voice is adorable … It sounds like morning coffee on the veranda.” Ah yes. A sound we all know well.
Chelsey:”ROBIN WHAT DID YOU TAKE”
Jaimie: “Muchas drogas”
Chelsey: “He needs an intervention from Alan”
Jaimie: “Yes. Dr. Seaver. Where are you?”
Chelsey: “Taking care of Kirk Cameron and his homophobia”
Mom: “Remember when little Leo DiCaprio was on?”
Nicolle is admittedly intimidated by her mini-competition. “I just wanna prove that I can sing,” she says.
Jaimie: “She sounds like Jessica Simpson … not her singing voice, but her speaking voice.”
Mom: “That’s unfortunate”
When Mathai meets with Adam and Alanis Morrisette for her mentor session, Adam tells her she needs to stretch out her notes. Alanis, of course, who we never know what she’s saying, says she needs to “honor” her audience and “give each note its due respect.” Is that also irony? We are unsure. Mathai really listens though and Alanis says she’s born to this. Cue adorable smile.
During practice, Adam gets aggressive without he piano. He didn’t like the way it worked with the performance, but needed some more man power to push it off the stage. “I’ve always felt like I needed the piano,” she says, but with this performance, she hopes to prove otherwise.
Chelsey: “I think it’s weird that she’s playing piano.”
Mom: “So did Adam apparently”
Chelsey: “Very good, Adam. THIS IS THE VOICE”
When they take the stage, Nicolle is clearly very nervous and not sounding to good. We miss the piano. And we bet she does too.
Mom: “Did you guys know that I love this song?”
Jaimie: “You DO?!”
Chelsey: “NO WAY!!!!”
Mom: “I DOOOOOO … Remember when I put it on my phone and couldn’t get it off?? And it would randomly play?”
Chelsey: “Haha yes”
Jaimie: “Sigh. Yes.”
It’s definitely not one of the more enjoyable battles, but Blake says the battle came down to breathing and that that is what affected Nicolle’s performance. He’d pick Mathai. Christina says it was a “no brainer” … She also goes with Mathai. Cee Lo says Nicolle’s rendition was too generic and Mathai reminded him of Christina a little bit. Adam “wasn’t too happy with it in general,” he says brutally honestly, a rarity on this sugar-coated show. He admits, he “was a little let down,” but knows he still has to make a decision. And he goes with …
BATTLE: Moses Stone vs. The Line
Song: “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” by The Rolling Stones (also Britney Spears)
This pairing came as a surprise from Team X-Teens. It seems more like the type of thing we would see on Team Cee Lo. Like us, The Line seems very unsure about singing with Moses, especially Hailey (better known as Girl of The Line). Leland (a.k.a. as Boy of The Line) says that they are going to have “harmonize our butts off.” MC Moses, who we were not fully introduced to during the blind auditions but is adorable, seems to be up for anything.
Jaimie: “This is gonna be awwwwwwwk.”
Chelsey: “Big time. The duo on single artist battles are weird.”
Coadge X tries to comfort Hailey’s nerves but defends her odd battle pairing with a ridiculous speech that really just results in her name dropping and telling a story about this one time she sang with Mick Jagger. Moses meets with his mentor, Lionel Richie, and both Lionel and X-Tina tell Moses that in order to be successful, he has to prove he can both sing and rap. The Line meets with Jewel, and this soon becomes the most awkward mentor-mentee session yet.
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